Lonely, sad, hated, confused, tortured, frustrated, helpless, broken, worthless, a failure...
I could go on and on, but these are just some of the feelings my husband felt before his suicide.
This is mental illness.
No matter what we did, how we tried to help him see reality and the love we have for him, all the doctors, psychiatrists, psychologists and therapists, no one could break the hold this illness had on Ed. In fact we were told by one professional to seek help elsewhere – he could do nothing to help.
Imagine my frustration, I knew this man for 47 years. My lover, my confidant, best friend and the father of our three children. If you read his eulogy, you know this man was an exceptional human being.
Some have said if there was a person to represent this disease, to draw attention to this cause, it is Ed - a peaceful, faith-filled, kind, loving, generous, funny man - gone.
I find it sometimes hard to breathe without this remarkable man. I miss him so much, but I take solace knowing this foundation is what Ed would want. To help others find their way out of the darkness.